Happy 4th Birthday! January 31, 2007
Today is my nephew G’s birthday. He is one of the sweetest young men I have every met. He loves to laugh, tell stories, and do his own stunts. G is an amazing gift and blessing to our whole family.
I Am In a Need-to-Know-Right-Now Situation January 30, 2007
How long does it take for 5, maybe 6, crayons to melt in a heat vent?
Let’s assume the following is true (because it is, mostly):
-the crayons are Crayola brand (because the off-brand variety isn’t as “easy” to remove from furniture)
-they were body temp when they were forced into the vent (I know this because I had just done the Heimlich Maneuver.)
-the heat is kept at a constant 67 degrees (where is the little degree symbol on a keyboard?)
How does the melt rate change if the temperature is lowered by 20 degrees?
How many layers of clothing would be required to keep two 30 lb boys alive at 47 degrees for 4 days? (Maybe I shouldn’t be concerned with keeping them alive until The Pilot gets home but rather when he gets home.)
What if I forget to mention the impending crayon fondu? How much will THAT lapse in memory cost me$?$
What if Train A leaves Cincinnati at 8am and Train B leaves Portland at 9am, when and where will they meet if they are traveling at speeds of…Wait, that’s an old problem I don’t have time to revisit. And, so far, I haven’t needed the solution–I never take the train!
Real Life (or death) as a Learning Tool? January 26, 2007
I don’t think we’ll be using this in Violet’s continuing education on mummies.
It’s A Good Day…So Far… January 25, 2007
Phyllis the Cat has only one shaved spot on her back, and we’re still not sure which one of our three angels did the shaving….and for that matter, who held her down!?!
The Pilot came home late last night only to find a laundry basket full of glass in the garage. When asked what happened, Violet said she’d give us “two guesses”…hmmm…
Violet is suddenly very fascinated by the “funny show” (aka America’s Funniest Videos). Everything that makes her laugh (and that’s a lot these days) “should be sent in”. Unfortunately, the video camera is “dead, Jim, dead”!
Bigweld is convinced that his finger is detached from his hand and is living in the wall. I am still looking for suggestions, Oh Wise Readers, on how to remove glittery lip gloss from hard wood floors without having to use sandpaper. For someone who’s finger is missing, he sure makes a mess, quickly.
Herbie is still wearing the lip gloss in his hair. He thinks it’s hair product or his “handsome”.
Violet’s kindergarten class went to a “Kinderkonzert” (with members from The Oregon Symphony) this morning. She was rather irritated that there weren’t any rides. She had confused “concert” with “carnival” and was very disappointed with the lack of rides, ponies, and elephant ears.
It’s already 1:15 and nothing has flooded or been blown up… I am so thankful for peaceful mornings!
Dear Personal Assistant, January 6, 2007
Please complete the following before you serve me lunch by the pool:
–Find out who these children are and why they keep calling me “mommy”.
–Research Mummies and their fingers (Violet is “still very interested” and wants to know if they are mammals).
–Buy more leather wipes for the car (I used an entire package trying to clean vomit off of the front seats- the kids always ride in the backseats and I haven’t thrown up in years…you get the picture).
–Figure out why Bigweld thinks there are dinosaurs in his poopy diapers.
–Remove peanut butter from stove front.
–Convince boys that snot ropes are NOT funny and strangers do not like to be chased by little boys wearing such accessories.
–Rescue Phyllis the cat from the full bathtub, again.
–Buy underwear large enough for boys to wear over their jeans. (They have no interest in potty training but love “dry skivs”).
–Find and buy decaf hot cocoa (not for me, of course. I need all of the caffeine I can get).
–Respond to “you do it”, “help”, “NOOOOOO”, and “juice” with a smile on your face and joy in your heart.
Note: The Assistant quit on the spot when she realized she could not meet our expectations for a mother.
And A Happy New Year To You… January 4, 2007
If only I could call in sick. I can’t remember the last time I was this sick….Hmmm…Before I had kids and could really appreciate sick pay. To top the week off right, the kids are sick too. Aside from four trips to the pharmacy and one trip to Violet’s school, we haven’t left the house in 5 days. I think I might be going insane…Is there a home test for that?
Tonight while we were waiting for half of our prescription (what kind of a pharmacy runs out of liquid antibiotics in the middle of winter?), Violet moans “I just want to know about mummies”. Huh? Where did this come from? No more Reading Rainbow. Then she asks if “mummies eat if someone helps them?” Before I can answer, she starts crying “don’t they know how sick I am? I feel horrible.” We were in the drive thru lane waiting and waiting and waiting. I thought “drive thru” meant faster than going in…And they wouldn’t even get me a bag of cough drops. I know they heard Violet coughing up her lung.
Bigweld has been asking and answering questions repetitively. “Mama, where goin’, mama?” “Mama, goin’ crazy.” That’s right, baby. While I was trying to find something they would eat tonight, he found a cube of butter and rubbed it all over the refrigerator. I wonder how long it takes for butter to go away….It adds a shiny luster….I put him to bed, in the same bed, in the same room he’s had for 2+ yrs and he ripped the airplane border off the wall. I’m not even angry, I think just go to sleep and let me be sick all by myself for a few hours.
And then there’s Herbie. He found a pair of training underwear with cars on them. He is insisting on wearing them. Right now, he has them on over his pajamas so he can see the cars. I wish he would just potty train and then he could wear “dry skivvies” all of the time. Poor guy, he just wants to go to sleep but his brother keeps screaming something about a puppy (we don’t even have a puppy).
I have been reduced to watching Barney AND singing along. And, a couple of hours ago I caught myself wiping MY nose on my shirt….Maybe I’m so sick I’m just hallucinating…
